I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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