when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
