6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
