I think I won the penis lottery.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
soo... how was my night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
