Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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