im having a threesome with these popsicles
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
