listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
