He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How external is "for external use only"?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Text me some of your sweat
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
