so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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