Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
