used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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