Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
