Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
