Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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