Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
