R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
