He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
