Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
