he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
