can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
