Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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