I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
