Sry I called you an 8
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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