In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
