I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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