well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
