I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
