just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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