just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
