I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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