By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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