Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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