If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
