i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
