"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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