I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
