Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
