I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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