We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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