Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
