And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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