so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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