so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
