I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
