Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
