New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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