but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
