turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
