Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
