And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
